ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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