i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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