Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
