They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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