Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
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