DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
