i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
