I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
