GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
