She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
