rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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