You smell like a Billy Joel song
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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