We're facebook friends in real life
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
