Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
