can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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