just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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