Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
