OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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