if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
