It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
