dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
He kissed a someone with a penis
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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