it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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