i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
This is my gift to your gina
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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