I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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