Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
