The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
