What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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