Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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