i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
