Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
