Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
