guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
