if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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