I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
