so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
