margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
