I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
