That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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