what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
no. you can't hotbox the world.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
