since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
