dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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