i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
