ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
