I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
