you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
