remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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