rhymes with "ouble enetration"
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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