life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
