Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
