You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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