Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
