If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
